Saint Peters, Please Save Us!

The great state of North Carolina is on the brink of a nuclear disaster. Duke has defeated Arkansas to play in the Final Four, and we are one game away from seeing a game we never thought we would actually see. Duke vs. North Carolina in the Final Four. No fan on either side has ever wanted this game to happen. Most of us can barely get through a regular-season matchup, let alone a freakin Final Four game.

But one man and one team can stop this from happening, the 15th seed Cinderella, Saint Peters Peacocks. This feels way too similar to the Simpsons episode “Homer Defined.” If you have not seen it, watch the clip below.

Coach K is obviously Mr. Burns, while Jon Scheyer is Smithers. Mr. Burns, aka Coach K, is acting confident but, in reality, is terrified of this potential nightmare of playing North Carolina. Every Duke and North Carolina fan are the people that were praying during the meltdown but, if averted, will pretend nothing happened. All the Wake and NC State fans are Bart and Otto sulking about not being in the tournament. The scientist is Joe Lunardi, and Kent Brockman is Jim Nantz and every other TV personality begging for this disaster. Barney is all the Duke and North Carolina fans who claim they “won’t care” about the result. Grandpa Simpsons and friends are people who are tired of the Coach K Farewell Tour and AT&T commercials. Lastly, Homer is Doug Edert; nobody thinks he can pull it off but may somehow pull off this miracle.

Doug Edert of the St. Peter's Peacocks looks on against the Murray State Racers in the second half during the second round of the 2022 NCAA Men's...
(Photo by Dylan Buell/Getty Images)

I do not know how but please, Saint Peters and Doug, save us from this nuclear disaster. In Doug we trust.